I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
