pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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