Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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