I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
