I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
