My boss' voice literally gives me gas
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
