No awkward lesbian experiences without me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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