I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you made out with another girl for some wings
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize