sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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