I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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