Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
