3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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