i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
