i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
