Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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