i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
