Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
