I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
