i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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