So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
