Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
