loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize