Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize