we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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