i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
