Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
