I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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