I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize