weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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