Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
