so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
