both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
