It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
