Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
3 2 1 whiskey
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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