Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
