It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
