: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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