my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
