your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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