he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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