So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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