Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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