Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
