she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
