I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
