i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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