I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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