we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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