I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
