instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
where are you?
Hypothermia
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
