Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We have so much sex to catch up on
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. đ
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Liz Cheney wasnât exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying âYAS QUEENâ for in 2021 but here we are
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