I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
