i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
