im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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