Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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