I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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