Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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