yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize