i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
