guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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