I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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