it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
