remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize