I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
