dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
