Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
