i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
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