Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
