There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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