This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
