He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
