Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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