rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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