I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
