So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
