there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
