You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
