Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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