At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
