is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
