the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
