Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have post one night stand depression
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
