I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize