Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize