Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
