Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize